Why Ichigo No Longer Carries Rukia Bridal Style
by The Rose Society
Summary: Why Ichigo No Longer Carries Rukia Bridal Style. Or, it could also be titled The Day that Ichigo was Nearly Castrated Thrice. But we'll keep the first title, in case any men out there are wincing in sympathy.


**Why Ichigo No Longer Carries Rukia Bridal Style**

**Author**: The Rose Society

**Rating**: M

**Disclaimer**: All characters are owned by Tite Kubo and respective entities. Borrowed by myself without permission. Plotline and badly written fic are generated by me, based on an incident involving my former roommate and her friend, with myself and our other roommate cackling in the background.

* * *

Why Ichigo No Longer Carries Rukia Bridal Style. Or, it could also be titled The Day that Ichigo was Nearly Castrated Thrice. But we'll keep the first title, in case any men out there are wincing in sympathy.

It was after Kurosaki Ichigo and the rest of the ryoka had rescued Kuchiki Rukia from execution for her crime of giving her shinigami powers to a human. Soul Society, and particularly the Gotei 13, had been dealt a huge blow with the exposed betrayal of Aizen Sousuke, Ichimaru Gin, and Tosen Kaname. The most severely wounded were still in recovery at Squad 4. Rukia was supposed to be convalescing at Kuchiki Manor, but she had snuck out to go finally apologize to Shiba Kuukaku and Shiba Ganju for being the person who killed their brother, Shiba Kaien.

Kuukaku's punch to the nose signaled that Rukia had been forgiven long ago, and the arrival of Ichigo and Orihime, who had been looking for her, ended the conversation. Both Orihime and Ichigo looked at their petite shinigami friend in her blue-violet yukata with concern.

"Kuchiki-san, are you sure you should be out of bed so soon?"

"Ah. I'm already better than I was before. Since I am no longer in the Senzaikyū, my reiryoku has been steadily recovering. I should be back to normal quite soon." Rukia gave the gentle girl a smile in appreciation for her concern.

Crossing his arms behind his head, Ichigo scoffed. "You should still be in bed, you insane woman. Aizen made a HOLE in your CHEST. Not even your stubbornness could just overcome that just like that."

Without being aware of it, Rukia placed a hand on her chest where Aizen had forcibly removed the Hōgyoku from her body. "Fool." She scowled at Ichigo. "The device of Urahara's he used made sure to leave no lasting effect on my body. Like I said, I'm fine; I just need time and I'll be back to kicking your butt in no time."

Any escalation of their budding argument was interrupted by a menacing tinkle of bells.

"Ichy, Big Boobies, Ruki, we found you!" Kusajishi Yachiru's pink bubblegum head came into view as the hulking figure of the captain of Squad 11, Zaraki Kenpachi, came around the corner.

"SHIT," Ichigo's heartfelt curse was not very loud, but Rukia and Orihime could hear him quite clearly.

"Oi, Ichigo," called out the growly voice of Kenpachi.

At the same time, the seemingly innocent voice of Yachiru called out to Orihime. "Big-boobies! Glasses was looking for you, he said something about needing your help with some clothes." The tiny menace jumped off of Kenpachi's shoulder and grabbed Orihime's hand in both of hers, grinning wildly. "Come, come!"

"Eh? But, wait," Orihime stammered out, confused with the sudden development of events. "Don't pull me, Yachiru-chan. I'll come with you." Sheepishly, Orihime tried to wave at Ichigo and Rukia but she was already being dragged around the corner by Yachiru. "What's the rush?"

A light tinkling laughter filled the air, causing dread to fill Orihime. "Ken-chan wants to fight with Ichigo again, since he'll be leaving soon. So I came to get you outta the way so Ken-chan can get his fight." Yachiru tightened her grip as Orihime began to try to escape to warn her friend. "Nuh uh, Big Boobies, no escaping."

All Orihime could do was send out a prayer that Ichigo would manage to survive as Yachiru dragged her farther and farther away.

With a savage grin, Kenpachi pointed his battered asauchi at the orange-haired substitute shinigami. "Let's fight."

Holding his hands up, Ichigo shook his head emphatically. "No, thanks. Besides, I gotta get Rukia here back to her home to rest." He ignored Rukia's scowl and began to try to side step the hulking man in front of him.

"Eh? The little Kuchiki can get home just fine by herself. Come on, I've been looking forward to a good fight." The glint of bloodlust in his eye was not missed by either Ichigo or Rukia.

"Zaraki-taicho, maybe it would be best to hold off until later, when you wouldn't be in danger of demolishing sections of Seireitei." Rukia tried to avert the impending disaster as best as she could but she barely managed to finish her sentence when Kenpachi swung his sword in a downward angle at Ichigo.

Dodging, Ichigo cursed loudly as he felt Kenpachi's reiatsu beginning to flare. He had to get Rukia out of there, she was still weakened enough that such a reiatsu would be suffocating for her. Yelling out "Sorry, I don't fight my friends," Ichigo scooped up Rukia bridal style and began to shunpo his way out of there, not slowing until he was back at the Squad 4 medical building. He began walking at a more normal speed, keeping his eyes peeled for Unohana Retsu, since that seemed to be the only person who could make Kenpachi behave.

"Oi, idiot, unhand me!" Rukia tried peeling the arm Ichigo had wrapped around her back off her body with one hand as she used her other arm to elbow Ichigo in the chest.

Scowling, Ichigo huffed and gripped tighter. "Stop that, you'll make me drop you! Quit wriggling already, Rukia!" Pulling her tighter against his body, Ichigo paused, genuinely worried he might lose his grip.

A commotion outside caught the attention of one Kuchiki Byakuya, who happened to be convalescing at Squad 4 still. His turned head and sudden silence also caught the attention of one Abarai Renji, who was visiting his captain, and both men looked outside the window. Both men then promptly saw red.

Freeing one hand to start pounding Ichigo on the head, Rukia kicked her feet until the man finally released her. Completely red with embarrassment, dark hair frazzled beyond belief, Rukia quickly punched Ichigo in the stomach.

Groaning and bent over slightly, Ichigo looked at the shrieking virago with mounting anger. "WHAT THE HELL, RUKIA?"

Aiming her tiny but enraged feet at his shins, she was able to kick one before Ichigo dodged the kick to his other leg. "YOU MORON, YOU HAD YOUR HAND ON MY CHEST!" She clutched the fabric of her yukata over her breasts tightly in one hand while the other still swung as she tried to beat the hell out of Ichigo. "PERVERT! HENTAI! YOU'RE WORSE THAN KON! WORSE THAN ASANO!"

"EH?!" Continuing to dodge the incoming flailing limbs, Ichigo tried to think what the hell happened. He had wrapped his arm under Rukia's slim back and put his hand up to grip her shoulder… right? Flexing his hand a bit, he recalled the feeling of warm, soft flesh, not flesh over bone… well, fuck.

Rukia did not miss Ichigo's hand flexing as if squeezing something. She growled, "YOU FILTHY-MINDED BASTARD, STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND MAKING THAT OBSCENE GESTURE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" She made a lunge to try to strangle Ichigo, which he blocked by holding up his hands.

"WAIT! RUKIA, no, OI! DON'T KICK ME THERE!" Ichigo registered that there seemed to be two burning reiatsu nearby, but he was preoccupied with trying to save his family jewels. Maybe explaining would help? "I didn't even realize, I mean, I didn't even feel your—"

Crouching down and then spinning, Rukia swept Ichigo's legs out from under him and she planted a foot on his chest. A dangerous glint twinkled in her eyes and Ichigo gulped. "'Didn't realize,' you said? 'Didn't even feel'? Well, I am sorry I may not be as blessed in that regard as Yoruichi-san, or Matsumoto-fukutaicho, or even Inoue, but that doesn't excuse what you did." Grinding her foot into his sternum as painfully as possible, Rukia smiled sadistically. "Any last words, Ichigo?"

"Yes, any last words, kozo?"

Paling, Ichigo craned his neck around to see a bandaged but still incensed Byakuya holding Senbonzakura out his hospital window, ready to drop to release his bankai. 'Oh, shit, the man looks like he's going to turn me into a smear on the ground.' Ichigo could feel a cold sweat start to form on his brow.

"Che, he shouldn't even get any last words, Rukia. You're too kind."

Turning his head, Ichigo could see Renji already had his shikai form of Zabimaru out, tapping the back of the serrated blade against his shoulder impatiently. 'Double shit.'

"He should have his hands cut off immediately, like back in Inuzuri." A savage smile graced Renji's face, his tattooed eyebrows not really detracting from the threat of violence in his expression. Pointing his blade at Ichigo's hands, he then moved the sword to point to a lower region. "And then, just as we do Inuzuri, he should be relieved of his privates for daring to touch a woman, let alone a noblewoman, against her will."

Feeling the pressure on his chest increase, squeezing some air out of him, Ichigo turned his attention back to the woman who was now leaning over his vulnerable form. Rukia had her hands on her bent knee so she could put more weight upon him. 'Double shit and a fuck me, I'm so dead.'

"You shouldn't be worried about nii-sama and Renji, Ichigo," Rukia said in a sing-song voice. "Because when I am through, they'll have nothing left to chop up."

And I'll end it there. That, my dears, is why Ichigo no longer carries anyone, but especially Kuchiki Rukia, "bridal style". Well, perhaps it is more accurate to say that is why Ichigo didn't carry anyone "bridal style" for a long time. Because he's quite attached to his private parts, thank you very much. Besides, Rukia did eventually forgive him. Those private parts eventually became rather dear and enormously pleasing to the petite shinigami and the shinigami representative/Quincy/Hollow/Fullbringer/human. And few years after this incident, Ichigo did once again start carrying Rukia bridal style on multiple occasions… the most memorable occasions being their wedding night and the day they moved into their first home together.

Ah, but those are stories for another day.


End file.
